Asking for Help is Cheating!
(Apparently)
“What? Asking for help is cheating!”
That’s what my ten-year-old said to me recently.
And I laughed…
before realising how unsettlingly familiar that idea actually is.
Because it’s not just something children think.
It’s something we quietly carry into adulthood and into work.
The unspoken rule we absorb early
Somewhere along the way, many of us learn that:
asking for help means you’re not good enough
needing support means you should have tried harder
competent people just figure it out
So instead, we struggle on.
We Google things late at night.
We watch videos on 1.25x speed.
We muddle through, hoping no one notices the cracks.
And in small businesses especially, that mindset can become the norm.
“People do not wander around and then find themselves at the top of Mount Everest.”
Why this matters so much in SMEs
In a small business, there’s nowhere to hide.
People wear multiple hats.
Roles blur.
Expectations are high and time is tight.
So when someone doesn’t quite know how to do something, the default response is often:
“I’ll just work it out.”
Not because they don’t care.
But because asking feels risky.
And over time, that creates problems:
people stay quiet instead of curious
mistakes repeat instead of improving
managers step in instead of stepping back
capability stalls, even when motivation is high
None of this is a people problem.
It’s a learning culture problem.
We already ask for help, just not consistently
Here’s the irony.
As business owners, we ask for help all the time.
We hire accountants instead of becoming one.
We pay for legal advice instead of guessing.
We bring in specialists because it’s faster, safer, and smarter.
We do it because we understand the cost of not getting help.
Yet somehow, when it comes to learning, skills, or performance, we expect people to “just know”.
Or to work it out alone.
That disconnect is expensive.
What not asking for help really costs
When people don’t feel able to ask for help:
confidence drops
engagement fades
small gaps become big problems
performance issues surface too late
And eventually, it hits the bottom line.
Not dramatically.
Quietly.
Through rework.
Delays.
Frustration.
Attrition.
The cost isn’t always obvious, but it’s real.
Asking for help is not weakness. It’s capability.
Knowing when to ask for help
Knowing who to ask
Knowing how to ask clearly
These are skills.
They don’t appear magically.
They’re learned, modelled, and reinforced.
In healthy learning cultures:
questions are normal
curiosity is rewarded
support is visible
learning happens in the flow of work
And people don’t feel like they’re cheating when they raise a hand.
This is where managers matter most
Line managers shape learning culture more than any policy ever will.
If a manager reacts defensively to questions, people stop asking.
If they make time for thinking out loud, learning speeds up.
But here’s the important bit:
Most managers were never taught how to do this.
They were promoted for being good at the job, not for building learning confidence in others.
So when teams struggle, it’s rarely about attitude.
It’s about support and structure.
What better support actually looks like
Supporting learning doesn’t mean:
more courses
more content
more pressure
It means:
clarity about what good looks like
permission to ask questions early
time to think before reacting
and the right support at the right moment
Sometimes that support is internal.
Sometimes it’s external.
Both are valid.
A gentle challenge
If you’re running or managing a small business, it’s worth asking:
Where do people hesitate to ask for help?
What do they struggle with quietly?
What are we assuming people “should already know”?
Those answers tell you far more about performance than any training catalogue ever will.
If you need help, get help
Whether support comes from:
colleagues
peers
trusted partners
or external specialists
Getting help is not cheating.
It’s how capability grows.
At Jessanol, I work with SMEs to remove friction, clarify expectations, and design learning support that fits real work, not theory.
Sometimes that’s through structured discovery.
Sometimes it’s through supported problem-solving.
Sometimes it’s simply helping teams talk about what’s actually getting in the way.
Performance & Clarity is designed to create that breathing space.
It helps businesses step back, understand what’s really getting in the way of good performance, and identify where support will actually make a difference — before adding more training, frameworks, or expectations.
👉 Explore Performance & Clarity
If you think a conversation would help you or your team think more clearly about learning, skills, or performance, you’re welcome to book a free, no-obligation call.
Because the real cost isn’t asking for help.
It’s struggling on in silence.
If you think you need help, and I may be able to help, call me.
I offer free, no-obligation calls just for SMEs that you can book at a time convenient to you.
P.S. I can also recommend some pretty amazing people who can help you, too.